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   Still Around



This is the first time I’ve logged into this blog since my last post, which was on March 1, 2011. It’s been 13 months since I’ve posted here. A week after my last post, I answered a knock on my door, at 3:30am, to be told by the officers at my door that my husband had been shot and killed in a robbery as he was closing up for the night to come home. That was on March 8. Everything is still a blur about that time. What I do remember are the few days before his death. I remember my 18 year old daughter coming back from her senior trip to New York with her classmates on March 3. I remember my 12, almost 13 year old daughter had a doctor appointment on March 6 for her latest infusion at the Children’s Hospital. Since the hospital is an hour and a half away and it was an early morning appointment, we left on March 5 to stay in a nearby hotel. I remember calling my husband and telling him we were on our way and I’d check in when we got there. I remember talking with my husband on the phone later that night to let him know we had made it to the hotel OK. I also remember calling him the next day to tell him we had made it home and the appointment went fine, no real issues popping up for us to worry about. I remember he told me he was busy with a line of customers waiting to buy Lottery tickets and that he would call me when he had a free moment. That was Sunday, the 6th. I ended up falling asleep before he came home that night and was so exhausted from the long day infusion the day before that I was still sleeping when he left for work on Monday, the 7th.

Monday was my usual running-around-doing-errands day after I took the girls to school. I don’t remember what all I did that day but I do remember thinking to myself that I needed to call him and see what he was doing. Just our usual checking in with each other. I don’t remember why but I do remember when I answered that door that I never did do it that day and he must have been swamped at work that day because he also didn’t get the chance to check in with me.

I remember having a weird feeling that night. The later it got, the weirder the feeling became. I knew his hours. I knew on the weekends what time he closed and I knew what time he closed on the weekdays. I remember looking at the time and seeing it was 12:30am and thinking any minute now he’ll walk through the door. Once it hit 1:30am, I thought maybe one of his friends had stopped off at the store and he was just running late in getting home. I called and the machine picked up. At 2:00am, I was calling every 5-10 minutes and still the machine was the only thing picking up. My husband was one of those people that hated cell phones and didn’t want one. He always said if he wasn’t at home, he was at work & if he went somewhere else, I was with him and since I had a phone, he didn’t need one. Around 2:30am, I changed clothes and went looking for him. Last time I had done that we ended up meeting each other at the stop sign at the end of the street and we got into an argument because he said I was worrying “for nothing.” That the customers/neighborhood knew him to be “crazy” and although there had been robberies going on in the neighborhood off and on for the last few years, he was sure no one would mess with him because he didn’t take any gruff from anyone. My response to that was “there’s going to be a day where someone is going to be “crazier” than you and yes, when you don’t come home at the time I know you should be there, I worry.” That night I made it all the way to the stop sign again and then made myself come back home. I kept saying to myself that he would be home soon. Less than an hour later, the knock came. Just like that, because of cowards who were willing to take instead of working for what they needed/wanted, our lives changed forever.

They still haven’t caught the guys who did this. We still know nothing about why it was done. I’ve heard several different stories about what happened but until the person or persons who did it are caught, we don’t really know anything. I will say there have been some good days and some not so good days since it happened. With four girls, each one is going to react a different way and not at the same time so while one could be having a good day, another could be having the worst day ever so it’s hard at times. I’ve heard “It’s not fair!!” a lot in recent months and yes, it isn’t fair and as much as I want to change things, nothing can go back to the way it was and the “what ifs” could drive a person insane if allowed that access and I try not to let the What Ifs take over. Family and friends have been constant in our lives and for that they have my gratitude forever.



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